I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
