i may or may not be watching the land before time
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
