I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This house was built for laser tag.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
