she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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