dude i'm inner monologue high
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
