If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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