drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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