Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
