i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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