STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
