Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
