You're so nebulous sometimes
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
