It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
