I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
