I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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