That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize