Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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