i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
