i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
