And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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