her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
