Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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