oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
