so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize