Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
