There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
