Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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