I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
