i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
