I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
