i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
did i just pee glitter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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