My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
