Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
