I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize