i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
