I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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