Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
