someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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