Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
