A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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