He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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