It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize