i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
