In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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