left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
worst night to have a conscience
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
