Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
