I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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