Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
