god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
