You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
