i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
