Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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