Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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