You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
