I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
