u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
