i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
