Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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