I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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