do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
