took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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