You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
whose parrot is this?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
