I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
