I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
