she woke up with a sticky ear
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
