Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
