Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
