i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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